i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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