i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
