Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
