Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
