i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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