Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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