I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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