that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
