dude i'm inner monologue high
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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