his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
