Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
