sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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