My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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