Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
