It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize