The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
