i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
