i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
