The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
