i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
