i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
