Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
