Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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