I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
