Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he's gonorrhea incarnate
don't judge my taste in strippers
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
