I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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