I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
