Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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