I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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