We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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