why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I looked at my own cervix.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
