I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
