we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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