i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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