just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
