when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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