I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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