shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize