Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
