Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
