I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
