she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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