five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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