I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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