please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
