You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
