Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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