An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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