shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
