I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
