I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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