another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
