he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
