dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize