Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The adults are the big ones right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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