Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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