So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
