I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize