two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
