I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Panties = found
Randomize
