dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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