all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize