"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
