drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
